Sunday, March 3, 2013

Update as Day 4 Comes to a Close

Dear Family and Friends,

Thank you so very much for the incredible love you've showed me.  Just typing that brings tears to my eyes as this 4th day finishes.  I've been so in awe of the outpouring and incredible showering of love, prayers, and amazing support.  There are no words for how grateful I feel.

These past few days feel like a blur.

Wednesday evening, my bishopric gave me a blessing with mom, megs, and the relief society presidency present.  Though I'd felt great peace and calm earlier in the week, I again felt overwhelmed and under-prepared for the road I was about to take.  As the bishopric started the blessing, so did the calm, peaceful feelings I needed.  That night, as we got everything ready, I felt very taken care of, very supported, and I felt courage to take that road again, to alter my journey in the best way possible, guided by the best navigators (doctors) possible.

Thursday began in an almost dreamy, surreal way for me, at 4:15am.  Ben had spent several nights writing me a piano piece, and somehow I knew instinctively to check my email where I read his description and listened to his piece.  I felt the presence of additional family with me, as we headed to the hospital.  The next few hours happened so fast.  Favorite moments include me doing push-ups :) in the patient registration area while 5 hospital staff worked to get me registered on their new computer system, pastoral care praying with us, chilling and laughing with mom, megs, and Tim while we waited for the next nurse to assist us.  A special moment came in radiology after the nuclear injection when I lay there by myself, looking up into my reflection in the ceiling above me, my chest open, and praying to the Lord, thanking Him for the beautiful gift of having that left side for 33 years, for all that it blessed me with, and feeling from Him that it was okay to say thank you and goodbye.  Looking up at her and doing so, I felt so deeply an appreciation and gratitude for my body in a way I don't know that I've ever felt.

In pre-op there were hugs from everyone and good luck wishes, great positive, energetic vibes from my doctors (Dr. Loyd, Dr. Self, and Dr. Chun), I was marked up so that the procedure would occur properly, then some anesthesia, and I was out.  Next thing I knew, it was just like everyone has said, I was in recovery.  A beautiful, sweet paster came and prayed with me at the perfect time, right as I was missing my family, in pain before the morphine took affect.  She breathed with me and was so encouraging.  Dr. Self came in and told me the words that I will always remember, that my lymph nodes looked clean, most likely no chemo, no radiation.  How am I so blessed?

Visitors came throughout that day and the next bringing so much sunshine to lighten my room.  Mom helped me with the washroom, Tim, megs, and mom coordinated with everyone who wanted to know how I was doing, and they kept track of the information I needed to know.  I couldn't have been more taken care of.  The nurses, nurses aids, and hospital staff were amazing to me.  My bedroom now is a garden full of flowers.  Thank you to everyone!!  I feel so spoiled!  Day 2 was my birthday, and felt like such a great day, a beautiful day.  I was most likely clear of cancer and moving in a new direction.  I even ate a piece of chocolate birthday cake! So good :)

It's not possible to express how grateful I am for the experience of the past few days, the first two days were uniquely special to me.  It felt like I was being carried by angels.  The Lord's presence, assistance, and strength felt so tangible, I pray I never forget that, never stop thanking Him.  The outpouring of love from all of you was more beautiful than I will ever be able to express.  You lifted me, and brought me the sun.  As I move forward, it's obvious to me that pacing myself is critical for real healing to occur...just like everyone keeps telling me :).  I felt pretty weak for parts of yesterday and a good part of today, but it's okay.  That helps me appreciate times like tonight when my energy increased.

Mom keeps serving amazing meals, and megs is the best little nurse to me, remembering when I need to take things and emptying my drains.  Tomorrow, we'll hear the pathology report and will know for certain about the nodes and the other part of my anatomy for which we're waiting to hear.  I feel grateful, how can I feel anything but in awe of the Lord and His matchless power in my life?  He holds me in His hand, His angels fill my room, and I am protected, taken care of.  He is the source of any strength in me, and I pray I will lift my eyes to Him in sincere gratitude, no matter what bends lie in the road before me.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
Matthew 11: 28-30


Lena said...

Becky! You are so great, awesome and amazing and wonderful etc!!!!! Thank you for your example and personality, you are just wow! I'm so happy everything went well and you are surrounded by angels! You are always in my prayers! <3

Christine said...

Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful journey of faith and healing. I am happy you are doing well.

greysquirrelb said...

I really do believe in angles in a way I never did before - they were always there, I just never realized it til now.

Maren B said...

Wow, you're so great. And I'm sorry. Just kidding-- but I am really glad to read that post and to know that you know how much you are loved. Hope you continue well.