Monday, June 17, 2013

Two weeks :)

Wow, time has really flown by.  Things have been quite similar and quite different this round.  As I headed into surgery on June 3rd, and as I was laying on the flat chair/bed/cot thing looking at the ceiling with the oxygen mask on, knowing in moments I would zonk out ;), I realized what a different feeling it was this time internally.  This time, there would be changes, but no DCIS, no mass that needed to be taken out, no fear that certain parts of the skin would need to be removed, no concern about cancer in the lymph nodes, no saying goodbye to the left side, just hello to the new, no hospital but a surgical center.  There was no snow on the ground, it was not cold nor dark outside, but rather warm, green, and with obvious signs that the sun was beginning her day here.  This time, mom, Tim, and Mel were with me, and I would wake up to dad being with me too.

We arrived around 7am, and I believe the surgery was some bit after 8am.  After being under general anesthesia, I awoke around 1:30pm-ish.  I want to write how it was, but no worries or feeling bad.  Really, my experience was quite good.  At any rate, as I awoke, I felt incredible pain, as I had after the first surgery, but somehow this felt worse, and perhaps that is because of all the nerves working on the right side that may not have been as engaged on the left side that first time.  My body was shaking a good bit, perhaps from the anesthesia, but it felt a bit rough and I didn't seem to be able to stop myself from crying.  After a bit, I was moved to a place where my mom and dad came, and that helped - I was so surprised and glad to see dad, and happy to focus on something other than how I felt.  Dad and Mom were wonderful, and then so were Tim and Melanie.  They were all cute and cheerful and got me through that first while.

When I was good to go home, everyone was so helpful.  I was shocked at how soon I could leave and really impressed by how my body seemed to be able to make the location change.  It was much more difficult trying to move around after that first surgery.  We made it home and dad and Tim helped me into my bed.  Dad became my pillow engineer throughout the week, and everyone helped me be as comfortable as possible.  Getting up and out of bed required lifting assistance from others, eating also did since I was in and out of it a good bit at first, but still needed to eat something in order to take my medications.  It was kinda cute with dad feeding me those first few days; I asked him if it reminded him of feeding me as a little child :)

It is so sureal to go through surgery and have others taking care of you, I can't explain it, but I feel so grateful for everyone's help, so grateful.  I feel grateful for a dad who woke up during the middle of the night to give me pain medication, who kept alarms going for my pain and antibiotic meds, and who was always checking my water and ice bag needs, and helped me get up and down.  It was sweet having Tim sitting on the floor reading quietly as I rested, being fed ice cubes and water by him and dad, having Mel bring over a pillow of hers and visiting with her, having my ever considerate and loving mother always checking my food needs, helping me in the bathroom, washing my face, brushing my hair, helping me in the shower, etc.  I loved going on walks with my parents later in the week, spending time with them, with Tim, with my aunt and uncle's family watching a movie together...something I rarely do.  Meals brought by others were so generous, and messages, texts, visits, and calls to check up on me were so thoughtful and so kind.  It was a gift having mom help me organize my room, me not doing much, and her doing pretty much everything so that I could feel more clear with less clutter.  Having my parents with me was something I just can't adequately describe.  I will always treasure it.  It was sweet, it was enlightening, it was tender and it was full of growth.  I loved my discussions with them; talking with them helped me get through some of the difficult emotions I processed, especially that first week.

Things are so good now.  I'm moving forward and the Lord is really helping me gain strength every day.  What a gift it is to walk, run, swim, bike, hike, sing, laugh, talk, move.  What a gift our bodies are!  What a gift it is to take time to sit, sleep!, listen, pray, read, be still.  What a gift family, friends, neighbors, and acquaintances are.  There is soooo much good, we each have to look for it, but as we do, we will see more, and doors that close will reveal doors that are opening.  I love how my mother keeps reminding us to be thankful for the difficult, the painful, the uncomfortable, the things we struggle to overcome, as well as alllll the good.  The Lord has a plan for each of us.  I'm striving to understand my plan, and looking for ways to discover it, fully live it, and keep lifting up my eyes to Him.  Continually, I see my "lackings", but that's all part of it.  I will be grateful for them :)

What a good situation I've been given, what a good reminder of my blessed life.  Thank you to each who has touched my path.  Thank you to my Father in Heaven who continues to preserve and bless me with far more than I could ever deserve.


Candi said...

Love you Becky.

Maren B said...

I'm sorry to hear that that second surgery was so painful. I wouldn't have expected that. Glad the worst is over for you, though.